How it all began...

I was born and raised in the LDS church. I grew up in a very small town where 90% of the population was LDS also. I don't remember any "spiritual experiences" as a kid, but I was being taught every Sunday what to believe.
When I was 15, my family moved to the "mission field" where being LDS made us a minority. That caused me to be all or nothing - which at that time was "all" because I believed that if I went against what I had been taught all of my life, I would be "punished" by God. So really, I was motivated by fear.
I started noticing inconsistencies in doctrines and historical events of the church, but my dad, who considered himself a church intellectual, had all the answers and all the books that explained away the questionable events, so I just put all of these concerns on the back burner and trusted my dad and the church.
I have three siblings - all three went on missions and came home early due to illness. I couldn't believe how horrible they were treated by some of the members because they didn't serve a "full mission". I started to see some appalling behavior as far as the "culture" of the church was concerned and that bothered me as well.
When I was a senior in high school, a guy that I knew was returning from his mission and wanted to date me. All that I knew of him was his "missionary face" and I really didn't know who he was outside of that. However, up to that point, I had gone to church dances and didn't have positive experiences with LDS boys, so I thought that in order for me to find someone inside the church, I better jump at the first opportunity. I married this RM in the temple three months after my high school graduation.
Things started going down hill fast with him. There were several abusive and unhealthy behaviors that came out after we were married. All of my family members were concerned, but I was convinced that I couldn't break my temple marriage without eternal consequences. A year after we were married, I got pregnant and I hoped that my life would get better after our little one arrived. It didn't - when my daughter was six months old we separated. The bishops I went to and asked for guidance and help made ME feel horribly and disregarded my husband's abusive behaviors. We were sent to an LDS counselor who told my husband he needed to come back on his own for some sessions - he never went back.
Our divorce was final when my daughter was one year old and a month later he asked me to write a letter on his behalf to be able to be remarried and sealed in the temple. I couldn't believe it!
Despite that bad marriage and horrible experiences with church leadership, I stayed active. However, as a single parent in a family oriented church, I often felt like an outsider and didn't feel like I fit in most of the time.
This loneliness led me to the desire to look more deeply at the things that I had found inconsistent in the past. Additionally, though I had been taught repeatedly to stay away from "anti" literature, I decided to read this book of a woman's experience as a former member of the church. That is where I learned that there were parts of the temple ceremony that the church removed, but when I learned what these were, I was shocked! I remembered going through the temple for the first time and thinking it was weird and uncomfortable, but because everyone else was doing it- people I trusted - I thought it was okay. But after reading about the parts that were removed, I made a conscious decision to step back from the church. I went to my bishop, gave him my temple recommend, told him I didn't want it anymore and after leaving that day, I have never been back.
However, stepping back required me to question everything - including who I really was because so much of my identity revolved around "the church". I decided I needed to break down EVERYTHING and start over. So, I threw the baby out with the bath water and studied ALL religions. What I found, after studying many things, was the God Is LOVE. I determined that if I loved myself, my family and people, then I would have God with me, until I could figure out where my spiritual home was.
When I met my husband, neither of us attended any kind of church. He was raised Christian, but didn't attend regularly. After we got married, we determined we needed to find a spiritual home for our family. One of his closest friends recommended a Foursquare church in the area that we live.
We went off and on for a few months and then decided to fully commit to making it our spiritual home. However, I still had, looming in the back of my mind, doubts about my having left the LDS church and wondering if I had done the right thing. Then I met this woman (Alice) who had a ministry in helping people who had left the LDS church - she was also formerly LDS. I first met with her in November of 2009.
Up to that point, I had based my leaving the church off of my own feelings about the inconsistencies and personal experiences that were negative. However, it was really "feeling" based and I didn't have a lot of facts that helped confirmed my decision. This sweet lady had FACTS! I studied about the book of Abraham and how it came about, the DNA of American Indians and so forth. Here were the facts that backed up my concern that the LDS church was founded on some bogus things.
After getting all the information I needed to be at peace about leaving the LDS church, I knew I needed to focus on what Christianity was. The best place to start was the bible. I started on my own, but was encouraged at church to get a bible buddy. And guess who it was that offered? Alice!
Now on Thursdays Alice and I get together with another former LDS lady and we study, study, study! It has been so helpful and a wonderful opportunity for fellowship!